I feel I owe an explanation...

Bunraku · October 14, 2013, 02:07:00 PM

Hey guys,

I guess I'll start out with saying that working up the bravery to make this post has taken a while, since I don't commonly talk about my personal life or problems publicly. But I feel after my extended absence and lack of presence on the forums, I really do owe you all an explanation for where I've been, especially since I owe many people quite a bit of work that is long over due despite having been already paid for.

Before I get into everything, I do want to reassure you however that I have no intention to leave Secundi, if anything I'm determined to finish the things I owe and get back on my feet again so I can take pride in my adoptable and the reputation I've tried to build here. But I feel that I've compromised that reputation with my absence and lack of communication, and in many ways, that's my own fault.

Bascially...how to start this? Its always hard to explain things like this to others, especially when they reveal quite a bit about yourself. But never the less, I think its something that has to be said.

Ever since I came to secundi, I've been struggling with emotional issues that cause a great deal of stress in my personal life. I really don't want to get into what they are, or why, but at times they can become very paralyzing to me, and there are moments when I lack the ability to even consider picking up a pen to draw, let alone think creatively, because they become so all consuming.

I actually began templating Sleeping Ocean as a coping mechanism for this. I wanted to recapture what I felt I had lost as an artist through the adoptable, and I feel in many ways I succeeded. You can't possibly know what it has done for me as an artist to be encouraged by the community here, and to know that you appreciate my work. I regained a lot of confidence in myself and what I am capable of through being here, and that feeling still remains. But unfortunately there are still times when I find myself unable to cope.

Recently, however, I have been more proactive in making changes in my life to help myself . I've come to realize that the only thing limiting me is myself, and if I step beyond those boundaries, I can begin to recover. Its hard. Its very hard going day by day struggling with issues that never seem to leave you alone. But its getting better.

Part of this has come in the form of re-doing my room and creating space where I can work on things, focus and feel more confident in myself. Many of my problems lie in the fact that I am always feeling very frustrated that I can never seem to achieve what I set out to do, or leave projects half finished because something gets in the way. I have big dreams, and I'd like to reach for them. I'm doing what I can to make that possible for myself.

But I haven't forgotten what I set out to do here, which is share my passion for adoptables with the community through my own work, and in providing commissioned work for others so that they can reach for their dreams. I plan to finish what I started, every last bit of it, and to make good on my promises and trades. I hope you can be patient with me for just a little bit longer as I strive to do this. I'm hoping to get back to working on both my own adoptable, and the commissions of others within the next month.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I'm sorry for being absent so often, and for being so negligent with my responsibilities and communication. I hope the community can stand by me while I try to hoist myself back up again and regain the reputation I feel I've lost.

Thank you

Bunraku

Rosedawn · October 14, 2013, 02:37:57 PM

I don't believe your reputation has been injured lovely. We all need time and sometimes it is longer than we like but everyone in this community has experienced that feeling and that inability to be around.

In sort don't be too hard on yourself. We love you and your art.

SkySong · October 14, 2013, 04:06:48 PM

I'm somewhat torn between saying sorry and congratulating you for being able to move on. I think I'll go with the latter, though, because it sounds like you are doing some pretty impressive things to change and I commend that. I'm guilty of being someone who tends to leave things unfinished as well, and that frustrates me, too. I'll be cheering you on from here.

Take your time with art and get back to us only when you're ready. <3

Winged · October 14, 2013, 04:41:56 PM

I'm so glad you've been able to make those changes Bun, hopefully it'll be up from here on out. I think it's very impressive what you've been able to do, so well done

Your reputation hasn't been injured at all to me, so don't worry about that.
Good luck you your art and take your time.

Riverwind · October 14, 2013, 07:41:32 PM

I'm glad you're starting to make some changes, and I don't think you "owed" us an explanation.

Everyone here has RL problems that need to be taken care of and a lot of times it's hard to talk about it. It's good that your art is of some help to you emotionally. Take as much time as you need. *hugs* <3

Kahlira · October 14, 2013, 07:49:42 PM

*snuzzles Bun*

Echoing the others: Take your time, love. Make it fun again!

Saturnalia · October 15, 2013, 09:38:17 AM

<333333

I think all of us have our highs and lows on productivity, creativity, and mood in general. It's part of life, and sounds like you're on the right track

Country · October 17, 2013, 06:28:43 PM

*hugs* We all get bogged down from time to time, and we all need time to cope and deal and just take time for ourselves. I think no less of you for it. Its natural, and with most things in life...the good things are worth the wait

I have faith in you, take your time and get yourself right and to where you want to be in life, that is the most important thing!

Bunraku · October 17, 2013, 07:15:20 PM

Thank you guys, honestly. You don't know how much it means to still have your faith, and every encouraging word is very definitely a help to me <3 I'll do my best to keep everyone posted on what's happening in my life through this thread so that you don't have to question what's going on. I've actually been wanting to work on coloring lately and have an idea for a new adoptable that I may try to template after catching up with everything owed. Actually...I have ideas for MANY different adoptables, though I doubt I'd ever have the time to run them all XD

Wildfilly94 · October 17, 2013, 07:21:17 PM

I'm very thankful for you posting this so we all know your okay and whats going on. <3
My customs and that gremlin item can wait as long as they need to while you work your way back up to wanting to color and such again.

I've been there (well, am there) so I have no hard feelings for you taking a break and sorting things out. YOU come before secundi.

Bunraku · October 19, 2013, 07:43:08 PM

So, today I finally finished painting my room and got my desk set up, so I have my own workspace where I feel more comfortable, hopefully at this rate I'll be back to drawing and coloring sooner than I thought ^^

SkySong · October 19, 2013, 07:55:05 PM

Sounds great! I love working on house projects. Just making things better and more to your liking around your living space is really gratifying!

Bunraku · October 19, 2013, 08:27:31 PM

Yes definitely! I love having my room FINALLY look the way I want it to after so many years x.x;

skysnolimit · October 20, 2013, 01:36:15 PM

Congratulations, Bun!!! Desks are such an important personal space to have

Winged · October 20, 2013, 04:03:03 PM

That's great you were able to decorate Bun, i know how much that helps to concentrate

Saturnalia · October 20, 2013, 04:59:52 PM

YAY!

I know, for me, my environment can really affect my moods, creativity, and motivation. When I let things get cluttered or messy, I find that my mind also ends up feeling cluttered and bleh until I hit the point of "NO MORE MESSSS" and go nuts cleaning, lol. I've been working on doing it as I go, instead of waiting for it to get bad, so I totally get how easy it can be to put off doing things like that... but then how great it feels to have it done!

Bunraku · October 20, 2013, 05:11:39 PM

Exactly sat! ^^ I finally got completely fed up with how messy and cluttered my things were and the fact that my room didnt really express who I am any more, so I tore it apart and now I'm happy with it <3 Now all that's left to do is putting heaps of old sketch books and things in storage

Bunraku · October 21, 2013, 06:11:02 PM

I think one of the strangest things about re-organizing you're life as it is now has to be going through things from your past. Old sketchbooks, notebooks filled with stories and other writing, old clothing. Some might say its like looking back into the life of a different person, but oddly enough I don't feel that way at all. The person I was five or even ten years ago isn't a stranger to me...it's more like looking back along the tracks I've left behind and finding little pieces of myself I've forgotten along the way, or didn't realize were still there in who I've become now. And while I'm not clinging to that past or trying to recapture it, I also know its still a part of me.

It's a very bazaar feeling, one that leaves me feeling happy and sad all at once. It's surprising the things we forget over the years, and all it takes to remember is a forgotten sketch, or a few words, perhaps a great deal of words, or even a favored book or toy from childhood.

News:

I feel I owe an explanation...