What do we have here? (Cleaning up my comp)

[Kadana Sorano]

hrr well, I'm tired, queasy, cold and bored.  Can't do too much on this comp, so I decided to try and clean it up some since I'm stuck with it for a while.  I found a LOT of really old stuff already, stuff from games I used to play, old pictures I had saved, jokes, songs.. some of the stuff I look at and am just.. "what in the world?? why did I save that?! "  or even "wth IS that?!" lol

Anyways, I thought I'd share some of it with you guys.  You know, in case your as bored as I am.. and because, of COURSE you all are just dieing to know what kind if crap I have saved on my machine right? *snicker*

Here we go, start out with some jokes I guess.. no throwing rotten foods now!  (if you're going to throw foods, atleast make them edible )

____________________________

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point. The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

............................

7 ways to know you're a Mom.. (yea, cause I never would have known otherwise lol)

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

............................

Cash, check or charge? I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

Do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.

No, she replied. But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.

............................

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?

Why?

Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.  

............................

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway, he said.

Actually, said his guide, it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.

The visitor was astonished. Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?

Yes, indeed, said his guide. He wrote a check.

............................

When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, You have a cute baby.

Smiling, I said, I'll bet you say that to all the new parents.

No, he replied, just to those whose babies are really good-looking.

So what do you say to the others? I asked.

He looks just like you.  

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The manager of a glass and window company advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers.

Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 20 years of experience.

Where have you worked as a glazier? the manager asked.

The man replied, Krispy Kreme.  

............................

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, Where are you going? He replied, To the kitchen. She asked, Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? He replied, Sure. She then asked him, Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it? He said, No, I can remember that.

She then said, Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that. He said, I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. She replied, Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.

With irritation in his voice, he said, I don't need to write that down! I can remember that. He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!  

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A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice 'JESUS is watching you'. He looks around with his flashlight wandering 'What was that?'. He spots some money on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice ' JESUS is watching you'. He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks ' Was that your voice?'. It said 'YES'. He then says 'What's your name?'. It says 'MOSES'. The burglar says ' What kind of person names his bird Moses??' The parrot replys 'THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER JESUS'.

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I find it amusing, to "go back in time" and see what I found amusing back when.. *shakes head*  granted, a couple of these still made me LOL, but yea..  And now.. I have GOT to get a kennel rotty and name him Jesus *laughs*  Too bad housing won;t let me get a real one..

*dives back into the depths of yesteryear searching for more amusements*

[Poupou]

I LOL'd so hard at the rottweiler one!!! XD

[Kadana Sorano]

hehe  I want it to be a true story/joke so bad, and I want to be a fly on the wall when it happens rofl  Just imagine the look on the burglars face!

And now, for the next bit of time wasting silliness..  Please forgive the all caps, I'm too slepey to go and edit it, this is how I found it.  This is one of those that made me go "wtf did I save THAT?!"

The Night of Thanksgiving

TWAS THE NIGHT OF
THANKSGIVING, BUT I JUST
COULDN'T SLEEP
I TRIED COUNTING
BACKWARDS, I TRIED
COUNTING SHEEP.
THE LEFTOVERS
BECKONED - THE DARK
MEAT AND WHITE
BUT I FOUGHT THE
TEMPTATION WITH ALL OF
MY MIGHT
TOSSING AND TURNING
WITH ANTICIPATION
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK
BECAME INFATUATION.
SO, I RACED TO THE
KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN
THE DOOR
AND GAZED AT THE
FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES
GALORE.
I GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND
BUTTERED POTATOES,
PICKLES AND CARROTS,
BEANS AND TOMATOES.
I FELT MYSELF SWELLING
SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND, '
TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I
ROSE OFF THE GROUND.
I CRASHED THROUGH THE
CEILING, FLOATING INTO
THE SKY
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF
PUDDING AND A HANDFUL
OF PIE.
BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL
AS I SOARED PAST THE
TREES....
HAPPY EATING TO ALL PASS
THE CRANBERRIES,
PLEASE.
MAY YOUR STUFFING BE
TASTY,
MAY YOUR TURKEY BE
PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N
GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE
DELICIOUS
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE
PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING
DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR
THIGHS.
HAVE A WONDERFUL
THANKSGIVING!

[XLostxDestinyX]

too funny! I love these ^.^

[Kadana Sorano]

hee.. I found a bunch of quotes.  I used to collect those like mad..  But IU'm too tired to sort through them to remove all the innappropriate ones just now so they can wait.

I found this, a notepad saved, and this was all that was on it..

Did you know.....

It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.

Catfish have 100,000 taste buds.

interesting.. even more interesting why I would have felt the need to save such.. *scritches head and wanders off*

[Keeper]

LOL im suposed to be doing some artwork but felt compelled to read the whole thing hehehe.