Anyone else have ongoing medical issues?

[Luv007]

I know it's something we leave out of our make believe happy world, but my closest friend that I usually talk to about these things has been home visiting her family for over a month now.  My family, as in mom and dad family, are mostly unapproachable.  They are both medical profesionals and are perfect and expect me to be such.  My husband has his own problems right now, trying to come off of his antidepressants and control his semi-bipolar temper.  So I don't have anyone to really TALK to and I need that.  I can take what life throws at in fairly good strides so long as I can get it out.  And I don't want to post on Facebook or anything bc you get sympathy and pity and that's just not what I'm looking for.  I just want to talk, and complain and recieve no judgement.

I'm a type 1 diabetic.  I have been for over ten years now and I hate it.  I have always hated it.  I never stop hating it.  It screws up my moods and my personality and my body, and most importantly my life.  And I'm not looking for a lecture about the control I should have on it.  I know.  My dad is a doctor.  My mother is a nurse.  I've been to countless specialist and unless they keep a very close eye... like dr appt every week.... I can't seem to get myself under control.  I dated someone whose mother died before she (the daughter) could reach her 16th birthday.  And it's sad and scary and I always swore I never wanted kids before that.

And then I had one... a child.... my little princess.  So now I have to stop ignoring my diabetes and letting it run me into the ground.  I have to take control of it.... But as much of a control freak as I am over everything ELSE in my life, I HATE controlling my diabetes... bc that means I have to actually acknowledge it's existance.  And ten years later, I still haven't really done that.

I was 12 when I was diagnosed.  I had to be held down to get every vaccination I EVER had before that.  And then they told me that until I could give myself my own shot, I was going to lay in the hospital bed and NONE of my animals could come visit me.  And it's not like I had friends then.... I was the shy, seen but not heard type, per the way my parents raised me.  Man, I've come a long way since that stage.  I'm now a heard and usually offend type. x.x

But my point is that on top of unnumerable metal issues, diabetes scares me and freaks me out and makes me angry and makes me hate things that I normally wouldn't hate... like my wonderful life.  And I needed to get that out to a crowd that isn't going to be talking about how sorry they are for me behind my back... and I needed someone to listen.  So thank you anyone who reads this.  I may add more later, but I needed this now.

[Neocridders]

<3 <3 <3 <3 *LOVES ON*

It must be really hard. I'd don't have diabetes, but I do have some medical issues. I've got lupus. And no one has ever heard of that disease, or they know 'It's never lupus' says Dr. House, but it's just a stupid desease that I'll aways have and I can't predict.

I'm supposed to take medicine. But my whole life I've just not been a pill taker. It's the worst thing ever for me. And I feel all sick when I take them.

Anyway, I've been failing to take my medicine for so long. And it's going to bite me in the butt and I kno I'll probably end up getting seriously hhurt by not taking it. But I feel fine for now. And I've been doing well.

Of course, the recent stress in my life would suggest I take it before I end up getting seriously hurt from the stress, becase even though I'm in remission (a time when the lupus isn't really obvious... it's good) I'll probably have a flare up (which is a moment when lupus is seriously bad all of the sudden.) And I'm really scared for that. I need to do better. I just... I can't take that awful medicine.

UGH. I just need to suck it up and take the medicine.

[Luv007]

YES..... Exactly... I've always thought that by not taking meds, you are allowing your body to build up immunity and what not... except I have no choice.  If I don't take my meds, I'm in the ICU with 48 hours.  And I hate it.  I mean a 24 hour stomach flu literally puts me in the hospital.  And my family lives in constant fear for me, but I just don't even want to think about it... and if I didn't have my husband to remind me, I would probably forget my meds a lot more often.  

I've never heard of lupus, but I will look it up.  It sounds terrible.  I think everyone has a terrible fight in life, but then you add a physical disease and it gets ten times worse, and if you add a mental one, its gets bad fast.

EDIT:  I looked it up and it sounds terrible. How long have you had it?

[Neocridders]

Yeah. I mean, I'm not a doctor and it's probably nothing, but I wouldn't be surprised if I suffered from depression, or something

And I'm just having a hard time with my life right now.

And my lupus... I can't go outside in the sun, or I'll get  sunburn, an that would land me in the hospital in no time. It's just so scary to think that at any minute, the next minute I might be in the hospital dying.

It's frustratingthat I can't just be a normal (or as normal as some people are) person.

I feel for you!!

[Daimas]

I have lived my whole life with mental disorders. I have ADHD, and recently was told that I also have bi-polar Type II Depressed. I have hated taking medication all my life.. I dont even like taking pain pills unless its really needed. I always thaought that I was misdiagnosed as a child becaus ADHD is supposed to be more.. active... and I wasnt.  I am easily depressed and blame myself for everything that goes wrong, until I get angry.. then I lash out and I am amazed that I still have my closest friends due to that.

My grandmother and some friends have Diabetes... I know the struggle it can be. And Lupus is also a struggle. I normally try to live by the everything happens for a reason motto. We may never really SEE the reason but it happens for a reason

[Luv007]

@Neo, believe, I understand what you are saying....

I met a woman once.  She could hardly stand up bc she was gasping for breath, but her husband was holding her up.  They had handicapped parking, and she still couldn't have made it to the car.  I asked her if I could help her bc she was kneeling on the ground waiting for her husband to pull up the car.  She said it was her own fault.  And when I asked why, she told me....

High blood sugar...  Which is when I recognized all the symptoms.  Pretty much bc I'd already been through them.  I stopped talkin my insulin for a few days in college and I was in the ICU for ten days.  I couldn't even stand up long enough to take a shower before I went into the hospital.  Do you have any idea how nasty dorm room showers are?  And I had to wash my hair sitting down.  I came home for Christmas after that, and never went back.  Nothing in my dorm room was worth being stuck there.

Any day you can end up there.  You have to have a certain acceptance and graciousness for everything when you're living on borrowed time.  Which is one gift that I do appreciate.  I've found it has helped me mature faster than others around me too.

@Daimas, I understand that completely too!  My husband has some very bad temper issues.  But I take it.  It's what I am built for, to take the punches (not literally).  My dad was always very verbally abusive and my mother always took it... so that's what I do.  It's not a concious decision, but my body shuts down.  Loud noises trigger panic attacks.  It's gotten worse over the years and my blood sugar has the most to do with it.  And I only have the closest of friends left bc they understand.

I go from suicidal depressed one day to over the moon happy the next depending again on my blood sugar and my energy level.  It's just that way.

And I agree... Everything happens for a reason.  You may not see it today, or tomorrow, or a week from now, but everything happens for a reason.

... It's just really hard to love myself when I hate my body so much.  And I'm a 120lb 5'3" attractive person, but I HATE my body.  I'm only skinny bc my blood sugars stay so high. I much prefered the extra cup sizes.  Lol. And being a size 8 or 10 was never a problem for me, but since I had my daughter, I'm between a 2-4...  It was a complicated birth again due to my wonderful diabetes....

[Solistia]

I have two friends that are both Type 1 diabetics (one is my roommate, the other is the boyfriend of my brother). It is a very tough disease to live with, since unlike Type 2s, your body can't produce insulin at all, and it won't just go away from eating right and controlling your diet/lifestyle D: (one of my mom's bosses was a Type 2 that got his life under control and the diabetes went away).

My roommate, ever since she stopped living with her grandmother, has not been in great health, and it's due to money problems (same with my other type 1 friend). Because of lack of money, or making just too much to not receive help from the government (but of course not nearly enough to survive), she can't afford all the insulin she needs, and most importantly, the test strips. she has to ration things out and it's really put her in poor health. Back when she was in good health, she tested about 7 times a day and was able to keep her blood sugar very well regulated and did well for herself. Now she tests maybe 2 times a day, and because of it, her doctor has given her a very grave warning of 3 years to live if she doesn't turn her life around. She had to quit her job because they offer insurance, and the government program in our area will not help you if you have access to work-related insurance (and of course, she did not make nearly enough with GameStop to cover the associated fees with her work's insurance). I worry about her a lot, there's not a lot of organizations out there that help young adults with Type 1, mostly just children.

My other friend with Type 1, I've seen him crash twice from low blood sugar at my house (who knows how many times my brother has seen him do it). He literally did not know who we were or where he was and had the mentality of a small child. Fortunately we were able to force things like orange juice and Diet soda into him to bring him back in about 15 minutes, but it's a scary thing. He also ended up in the ICU recently (he had just gone to the emergency room to jump start government help, since if you go there, they will process you much more quickly), and then found out he was actually on the verge of his body collapsing. He, much like my roommate, has also had to ration his insulin and test strips.

My roommate is 27, my other friend is 23. Roommate has had diabetes Type 1 since she was 6, my other friend at age 2/3.

As a close friend, it can be really hard watching them, because there's not a lot I can do to help.

It is somewhat assuring to know though, that these days, Type 1s are living longer healthier lives with the medical assistance available...so long as you can afford it.

[Silvanon]

Some of my extended family have diabetes, and a close friend of mine has lupis.  Both terrible conditions.  

I myself have dysthymia, aka chronic depression.  Family history says it will likely be a life long issue.  At first I was having trouble sympathizing with the feelings you were expressing, because I'm happy to have my daily medication that makes me alright to be around.  For me it's just one of those things I do to make myself presentable - put on clothes, brush my teeth, take my meds.  But, thinking back, it did take me a good while to come to this point.  My depression started right after LilBit was born, but people around me said oh, it's not really depression, it's just (insert birth-related excuse here).  I wanted to believe them, I didn't want to really have depression, so I put off seeking treatment even though deep down I knew I needed it.  Finally after more  than two years, I had a frank conversation with my husband and realized how very much my non-treatment was affecting my family, and I finally gave in and went to see the doctor.  Once I got on the right medication, I really was doing better.  Conrad told me "it's like having you back again," and I haven't looked back since.  I guess for me, my medical problem made me not me, so I didn't want to accept it, but once I did and got it treated, I had myself back again.

I don't know if any of that will ring a bell or help or anything, but anyways, there's my story.

[Luv007]

@Solistia-If either of your friends ever wanted to talk about the diabetes, I would love to swap emails.

I recognize both of those stories.  My husband has been in the military for eight years and he just got out.  He found another job (thank goodness) but he doesn't have any medical insurance yet.  I have a pen of my long lasting insulin and a pen of my short acting left.  I got quite a few strips before our insurance ran out, but I only have one blood sugar machine that matches the strips, and I'm constantly losing.  One of my flaws is how forgetful I am.  And my mom says she's going to get me some insulin off the insurance, but with that insulin comes the "you can't do anything with out even now that you're a parent yourself and married" thing.  So it's *almost* more painful than it is worth to ask for her help.

But making $20,000 a year, paying half in child support and trying to buy all my medical supplies and having to buy three kids diapers for three months during the year--- not working for us.  I use to throw my money around on PI like it was cool.  Now since I don't work, I don't have the extra cash and it's too hot for the riding lessons I usually teach to keep us floating.

And I think one of the things I hate most is that I have lost some of my talents... like my words.  I grasp for the words I want when I'm writing, but where as I was at one point a walking thesaurus, I can't remember all my big elegant words for rp/writing.  And I've never been great at drawing.  I do have a 101 dalmation coloring book and crayons that I use to destress though.  And I can't ride my horse compitively.  The excersize dehydrates me too fast, something to do with keytoacidosis.  It makes me pass out.  I was actually just teaching a lesson a few weeks ago and I told the little boy we were going to have to cut it short (bc I like giving these kids extra time- mom pays for one lesson, but I teach both kids in the time).  Not but a few steps later I was on the ground.  I've gotten so good at passing out that I recognize the blackout... My sight goes first, then hearing, and then I'm out.  And fortunately Joe was with me to take care of my horse while I sat down.  And my horse.... I can't say enough good things about him.  He stopped and just stood with me. 

There have been a few times that my blood sugar has dropped while I'm sleeping and when I wake up, I'm not really awake... When I was younger, my mom would have to have my brother and sister sit on me and hold me down while she poured honey in my mouth and rubbed in on my gums... and then I would really wake up and wonder what was going on bc I was covered in honey and had a nasty taste in my mouth.  When my blood sugar drops even from a high, I get very emotional.  And when I'm going down, the child mentality comes into play.  I can't think anymore.  It's like there is something jamming the signal.  All I can get out is "I don't feel good, I don't feel good..." and I'm usually pretty good at shoveling sugar.  Problem is I drop so hard and so fast.  My body is sensative to the insulin and one day 7 units drops me to 20 and another is doesn't even budge my blood sugar.  It's just all a very frustrating thing.

@Silv- I understand what you are saying.  When my husband started taking his zoloft, he came home about 2 weeks into treatment and looks at me and said, "you're all shiny again."  I think it's one of the sweetest things he's ever sain.  It was like he was seeing things again, really seeing.  Which is why I don't know why he wants so desperately to take himself off the meds.  But him mom gives him hell about it and says that he is who he is.  But she also thinks he should have like 5 girls on the side.  She and I don't see eye to eye on much. 

I guess what is so utterly frustrating with diabetes is that no matter how hard I try... no matter how many shots I take, or blood sugars I check, I have NEVER been able to get it under control.  I've been off the insulin pump and they've taken me off. I been to doctor after doctor and they just can't figure out a good dosage.

And that is my greatest complex- the need to please.  I was raised to be perfect and I never was.  And I've accepted now that I never will be.  But there is still that need to please.

[Spixy]

I completely understand you Luv.

I, myself, have chronic urticaria towards touch. The slightest touch without my medicine sends me into a massive itching session if I don't take my pills. I have it in such a degree, that I have to take triple dosis 3 x 180mg (don't worry, skin specialist approved) to keep it under control. The pills make me tired. The whole thing makes me tired. I hate it.

My boyfriend has supposedly been diagnosed by two doctors with schizophrenia, which really affects us too. We have ups and downs all the time - especially since he too isn't an "pill person" and he refuses to get the final diagnosis and enter treatment. So we have ups and downs. I'm personally still clinging to the hope that he isn't ill but merely stressed.

[Luv007]

That sounds awful as well.  I'm pretty paranoid about touch anyways, but the itching would kill me.  I have a friend that has so many problems with her back and feet that she's got enough pills to be a pharmacy.  She doesn't use the pain pills often, but the rest of the pills just make her miserable.  It's why she's been visiting her family for so long.  And often when I'm around her, I don't feel sorry for myself bc I'm so worried for her.

And I also have a friend with a diagnosed but resisting treatment bipolar boyfriend, now husband.  It is very difficult for her, especially since not many of her friends understand why her husband sometimes treats her the way he does.

[Entaeyen]

I have epilepsy, so I can relate to the entire issue with having to go to the doctor's office so often, having to be on medicine, etc. Not to mention the depression, mood swings, etc. which come with it. I've been on epilepsy medication since about 1993. So I've been dealing with some of these issues for a very long time.

Diabetes runs in my family, so I'm also dealing with the possibility of someday getting it, so for now I'm doing what I can to prevent it. I don't have much time to type right now, but I wanted to let you know about a very short exercise which might help you. I do an exercise program called T-tapp. It's a rehabilitative exercise program, and some of it is specifically for people with Diabetes. There's one move in particular, called Hoe downs, which is just a 3 minute exercise. It's been proven to work faster than an insulin shot. There's a video on Youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsURicKB_G8

I hope you'll give it a try, it really does work. Just do this exercise as little as once a day and it should help with the diabetes control, mood, etc.

[Luv007]

That looks very interesting.  I'm definately going to have to look into it!

[BabyKittenCandy]

I too suffer with deperession.  My mum suffers from a chemical inbalance in her brain whereas mine seems more brought on by stress/upset.  A few years ago my depression was very very bad. I still have the scars, literally, I did some very very silly and harmful things, towards myself.  I ended up leaving my husband and running off to Sweden. Eventually I started to come round and realised what i would be loosing. My husband decided to give me another chance and we worked hard.  The hardest thing though was admitting I needed help. Once I had managed that, the rest was easy.  Im not scared to ask for help now and if taking tablets means I dont hurt my husband again, especially since we now have a wonderful little boy to take into account too, then im more than happy to take them. They help me cope and stay on an even keel.

[Luv007]

Speaking of... I think the higher power decided to remind me that I should count myself lucky to ONLY be a diabetic.  My mom just texted me that she has a skin cancer.  I freaked out  for a moment, but when she told me what type, it doesn't look as serious as it sounded.  Mom had breast cancer when I was a toddler, and I still remember the doctor's offices.  I was lucky.  She survived, but the thought of her having to fight it again, is scary.  My dad did the biopsy and plans to do the surgery soon, and since it is slow growing and hasn't spread, she should be okay.  But I just needed to let that out and I didn't want to start a new topic.