I... But....... Why?......

[Arty]

I rescued a kitten from two stray dogs, it was a little gray runt with one eye sealed from mucus. I've had her for about four months and I had to bottle feed her for a while, she almost died from a drop of flea medicine (and a $200 vet bill I had to borrow money to pay) and she was getting to be about the normal size for a kitten her age... I named her Grayson and when I came home from work today, I noticed the only flower pot I have (which I keep on a tree limb) was broken on the ground and I thought Grayson was hiding behind it because I saw her tail... she was squished by it... she was a member of the family and the only animal that would let my 15 mo. old daughter pet them... I'm going to miss her a lot and I don't even have a picture to remember her by..... :/

[springacres]

so so so sorry to hear that.... *HUGS*

[Arty]

Thanks Spring... I just, I don't know why her life had to be so hard...

[Saturnalia]

Oh no I'm so sorry.

[Kahlira]

This is such sadness! I am sorry 

[skysnolimit]

I know how you feel.  I used to keep lizards, local fence lizards; I would catch them and keep them in lovely terrariums or boxes or a wheel-barrow-esque wooden construction with screen mesh that I built with my father.

They love sun, being cold-blooded, and I was in either 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade (I think fifth) when I, as always, diligently moved their little box wherever the sun would shine.  I would move it and move it as the hours went by.  I was so proud of being a good caretaker.

Sometimes, I would catch babies by throwing a handkerchief over them and keep them too.  They were the cutest by far, and so sweet.  One day, I looked outside and realized that it had begun to pour rain.  I was small and their current cardboard box was really big; but my father was not around and I knew I had to rescue them from the cold wetness immediately.  I ran outside and single-handedly dragged the heavy sand-filled box back under the portico, then searched inside for a roll call.

I finally found my little baby, one of two.  As I had dragged the box out of the yard, the small faux-rock water container had squished him against the wall.

That feeling of guilt has lasted me for more years than any other; even in college, I could cry about it.  I simply can't explain it.

I don't know why, either.  I can see no rhyme or reason for that death, nor any lesson to be learned from it. All you can do is remember them in love, albeit sadly sometimes, and hope that one day we can accept senselessness as part of the chaotic sense of the world; accept and be done with feeling weighted down by it.  For every death like that, I hope there are ten billion times some countless number of fulfilled lives in this Earth.  I guess that's all I can do.

My condolences for your loss; thank you for giving her the happiest four months of her life!  <3

[Arty]

Thanks skys, I'm sorry you still feel guilty about the lizard, I can understand kinda why you feel so bad about it. When you take pride in something, it hurts a lot when you lose it because you thought you were doing so well...