I'm not whom I thought I was

[skysnolimit]

I'm not whom I thought I was; at least, not when I was thinking at a younger age, before I left college, agreed to an engagement, and then was betrayed by somebody I thought was smarter than that.

Now, you'll see that I am still describing myself as a victim of something beyond my control.  Indeed, as I type this right now, I think I am.  But I am going to use this post to try to change that conception, so that I can introspect a bit and then move on.

First of all, that will require brutal honesty.  Second, it will probably be embarrassing.  Third... anyway.

Ingredient 1: I chose this man.  I was smitten at the time, absolutely; so attracted to him that it really was like gravity.  We could not stay away from each other, constantly running into each other in unexpected places.  I truly felt that I was following my heart, and that my heart could lead me to him through any contortion of the space-time continuum.  However, what I did not realize at the time was the truth: as a possessor of free will, I chose to try to be with him.

What compelled me to the choice?  The list:

• he seemed aloof to social pressure, indicating self-confidence
• he found me interesting and supported my thoughts and ideas
• I shan't forget to acknowledge that he fit my physical type of being tall and lean with dark hair
• He really, really liked to dance
• He cooked me waffles in the morning, despite hardly knowing me

Okay: all of those things were, and probably could still be now, true.  But then again, what made me think I stood a chance?

Ah, it strikes me now: I must have been a rebound.  I heard him sayin

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okay guys, realization achieved for the night.  I will go ahead and post this, but it's not a complete writing at all